God I feel like crap

Jesse_M 101 Feb 06, 2005 at 05:23

I’m sorry guys, I know this isn’t the kind of place to talk about his kind of thing but I had no where else to go. I have no one to talk to and I need to get this out.

In the last year I’ve been going through hell. I fell in love with my friends girlfriend. Actually it was his fiance. They were going through a lot of troubles at the time. In fact he was being a complete asshole. I began to hate him for what he was doing to her. She came to me often and she started telling me that she was falling for me. She began treating me in a way I have never experienced before. I couldn’t help my feelings. But guess what? They’re still together. They’ve been together the whole time despite all the heinous shit he’s thrown her way she’s still with him. Want to know something else? She has a child. A wonderful beautiful child. I began picturing myself as his father. I want so much to parent him. But I’ll never get that chance.

It’s been a long time. I almost lost all my friends in the process. Now I have to pretend like I don’t feel anything if I want to be around her. She doesn’t treat me the same way anymore. In fact, she doesn’t even treat me like a friend. She’s become indifferent. What can I do about that? They’re going to get married and move away. I’ll never see her or the child again.

Everytime I see my friends it’s uncomfortable. I watch her be tender with him and it puts me through hell. They make a sexual inuendo and it tears me up inside. Tonight they actually exlicitly said that they’re going to do it tonight. DID I NEED TO KNOW THAT?! They’re pobably doing it right now. I can’t stand to be in this situation.

Was she using me? Why do they behave as if they want to hurt me? The only thing I can do is not have friends anymore. I can’t even talk to anyone about this. Who would I? Not my friends.

I don’t know how to get out of this. I want to die.

5 Replies

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bladder 101 Feb 06, 2005 at 06:55

I usually dont like to get into these kind of discussions, but if I were you I’d just stop seeing them. Dont be around them if it hurts that much. Move on. It’s probably better for you if they move away. You shouldn’t worry about finding love though. It may seem like there is no one else, but there’s always someone else. Try a different crowd, believe me when I say that it works.

ps: why cant you talk to your friends about this?

john 102 Feb 06, 2005 at 08:45

I wondered where the openal zen master went ;)

my question is, why do you still like her if she has no feelings for you? Just dump her - she’s not worth your time.

anyways, I feel sorry for you and i understand your feelings. From the way you said it, it looks like this is the first that you get involved in a relationship. so, you didn’t have the experience in dealing with such things, and avoiding/detecting it. now, i’m sure you have learned something and how to deal with similar situations in the future.

My advice is to forget about it and look forward. everybody makes mistakes. but i understand how such a huge thing is disasterous phsychologically.

just chill, relax and try to forget about it.

Ed_Mack 101 Feb 06, 2005 at 11:07

You can’t help your feelings for her - I’m guessing your friends all know about them too. Just try your best to stay away. Find new bars (as bladder said), and try and keep your old friends - they’re more valuable than you think. It’ll just take time to heal.

Jesse_M 101 Feb 07, 2005 at 17:00

Thanks. Sorry for spilling it all out here. It’s not exactly the kind of place for this sort of discussion.

I did tell her that I’m not going to be around anymore. I don’t know how she feels. She didn’t say anything. Her bf got me on msn and was insulting. Don’t know why. He is a twit so I figured he just completely misunderstood.

It still hurts. She was a really good friend even if I couldn’t be with her. I never thought having a female friend would be such a fulfilling relationship. What I miss most is the child. I wanted to be his father. I’ll probably never see him again.

So I’ve lost a group of friends. There’s an even worse part to the story now. My only other friend tried to commit suicide the other day. He’s in bad shape. I need to be there for him and not dump all my problems on him. Seems that I’m always the shoulder and never vice versa.

As for the whole “OpenAL zen master”, this is one reason I haven’t been around. There’s the full story on my webpage FRAG THE PLANET which I’ve been spending a lot of time on this month completely re-working. I’ve editted the tutorials for typos and gramar etc, and I’ve managed to write a new on on object factories. I was going to contact the devmaster admins to post it, I was just waiting to get my site in shape first. But I am back. Hopefully for good.

Ed_Mack 101 Feb 07, 2005 at 18:39

Don’t worry - this forum is getting well worn with personal problems, and broad terms, we’re kinda like the Samaratons.

Help your other friend. Helping’s good for the soul, though have other social outlets & friendly input - you don’t want to be consumed by unhappyness :mellow: